Heart.A.Tack!

On Tuesday afternoon right after Rylynn came home from school I took the kids to the park that is only two blocks away.  On the way there everyone was really excited because we haven't been able to go to the park at all this winter since we have had so much snow.  So Rylynn and Carter sped ahead of Beckett and I  in the stroller.  By the time we got to the park it had started to really lightly snow.  So the kids played for a little while but quickly got cold and the fun was gone.  Carter and Beckett both broke out in sobs and Carter kept complaining that one of his fingers was freezing.  So Rylynn hopped on her bike and rode ahead while I carried Carter's bike while pushing the stroller across the wet field with two screaming boys. So needless to say I was a bit distracted so when I didn't see Rylynn up ahead I just figured she was riding so fast that she had already made it home.  Well once I got home, after having to turn around and run back for a dropped mitten, I didn't see Rylynn's bike in the garage.  Carter and Beckett were still bawling though so I went in and got Carter in jammies and wrapped him up in a blanket.  Almost immediately though I started looking out the window to see if Rylynn's bike was in front of one of the neighbor's houses.  It wasn't.  Then I called out for her to see if she was in her room and I just missed her bike.  She wasn't.

At that point I turned on a show for Carter and told him to stay put and Beckett and I went around to the neighbor's houses to see if she was there.  No one had seen here.  Then I asked the boys who had been playing out in the cul-de-sac if they had seen her ride by on her bike.  They hadn't.  So I stuck Beckett in the car and drove the two block loop from the park twice all the while praying my guts out that she was okay and that I would be able to find her.  I was really freaking out at this point.  Especially since it had started to get dark and the snow was really picking up.  I drove home and called Garrett and hysterically told him what was happening.  He tried to calm me down and said he would leave right then and come look for her.  I told him I was going to call the police but he said that he wanted to drive around one more time before we called.  So then I just had to wait.  That was the worst part because I started thinking of everything that could have possibly happened.  Worst thing for a mother to do!!  So I was crying and praying and pacing the house and I just couldn't sit still for one more minute so I headed out the front door with no idea where I was going to go, but I just had to go and look and not sit still.

As I started walking down the street Rylynn came around the corner on her bike and Garrett was driving alongside her on the road.  I ran up to her bawling and hugged her and asked if she was okay and where she had been.  She had gotten turned around and went all the way down to our community pool which is when she realized she was going the wrong way and turned around.  Then I realized that she would have had to cross at least two busy streets to get that far and I asked her about cars and she said they had stopped for her.  I couldn't believe she had gone that far.  Anyway, I was so thankful she was home safetly and I just couldn't stop hugging her.  She didn't seem that shaken up and I asked her if she had said a prayer and she said she said two and that Heavenly Father helped her get home and that she knew when she got to the pool that she needed to turn around.

It took me a couple hours to get over the whole thing but that night when I was putting her to bed I was telling her how happy I was that she was home and safe and she said to me, "Mom, I promise I will never get taken and I will never get lost!  I will always come home even if it takes a long time.  And don't worry Mom I bite really hard and I'm a good kicker so just rememeber, no one will ever take me!"  I love how she was the one comforting me and calming me down.

I have to record that in the strangest way I think this experience was an answer to my prayers.  I have really been struggling with Rylynn for a little while and I have had such a hard time knowing how to get through to her.  We were in one of those stages where I felt like I was punishing her all the time and no matter how much I showed her an increase of love afterward, she didn't feel loved.  She only focused on the punishment and she was really not happy.  So the night before this happened I was pleading with the Lord to know what to do and to know how to let her know how much I loved her even when I am trying to teach her and discipline her.  I really didn't know what to do.  Then the next day this happened.  It is really weird but I could tell that when Rylynn saw me that upset and worried about her, it really showed her how much I loved her.  From the point when she came home something just switched in her and she has been so happy and she and I have been such great buddies.  It's like all of a sudden she has no doubts about my love for her even if I have to discipline her.

It made me think of the story of the prodigal son and how the father didn't care what the son had ever done wrong in his life.  He was just so thankful that his son was home and safe.  Not that Rylynn has done anything really wrong we have just been having a difficult stage with her lately, but none of that mattered or even came to mind in that moment.  I was just so happy she was safe and home with me.  I think also it made me realize how much I really love her!  It gets really tiring to feel like I am constantly "fighting" with one of my kids and I had lost sight of how much fun I used to have with Rylynn and how much I just loved being with her.  It also made me think of how our Heavenly Father feels when one of his children "returns to him".  He doesn't focus on the sins that took the child away from Him, he just feels joy and happiness that they have returned.  So in a weird way, I am really thanful for this terrifying moment as a mother.  It taught me a lot and helped my relationship with my daughter.  That being said, I really hope this never happens again because it scared the crap out of me!  But for whatever reason sometimes I just have to be completely knocked off my feet and realize how completely vulnerable I am so that the Lord can show me how much he loves me and is taking care of me (and my little family).