(This is a picture of me and my babies at my little family birthday party on Sunday)
I find it interesting that sometimes the hardest commandment to follow in families is the most simple one of all; love one another. I don't think I'm unique when I say that as a mother, the most frusterating and annoying part of my job is seeing or hearing my children fight. I honestly cannot stand it. My parents were amazing at teaching us that we needed to love one another and treat each other with kindness and respect. I had a lot of friends whose parents seemed to take the opposite approach and just say that kids fight and that's normal so they need to figure it out. Well Garrett and I are trying our hardest to follow the first example and not the latter. We do not allow our kids to say mean things to each other or hurt each other and we feel very strongly about encouraging them to talk about their feelings when some one does hurt their feelings. But eventhough I feel like my kids are really close, I still feel like I am failing pretty much every day because someone at some point in the day is fighting.
Well lately I feel like we have been putting extra effort into teaching our kids to be kind to every one and to forgive and to show kindness in return for meanness and I was so thrilled to hear that some of those efforts have paid off.
Rylynn had been struggling with a girl in her class for most of the year. This girl stole things from her desk and told her that she wasn't good at things and was just not very nice. This seemed to be a common complaint in her class against this girl so I just told her to try to be nice to her but to stand up and tell her you don't like it when she says that, or when she takes your things, etc. Well after awhile she was getting so frusterated with this girl and I told her she should pray about it. So for a few weeks straight she would pray for A--- to be nice and for help to be nice back to her. One day after praying for a few weeks she came home from school and said, "guess what Mom! A--- and I are friends now!" I was kind of shocked and asked her what had happened. She said, "well I just went up to her and said, A--- let's be friends and not fight anymore. And she said okay" Then she went on to tell me that they played together at recess and I followed up with her for a few days to see if it had been a fluke, but every day she had good things to report. Now I have to clarify that they are not best friends or anything, but they are nice to each other and get along each day.
This happened about a week before Parent/teacher conferences so when I met with Rylynn's teacher we discussed it and she went on and on about how proud she was of Rylynn and how everyone in the class struggles with that particular girl but that Rylynn's efforts to reach out to her and be her friend had made a huge difference. She even had Rylynn stand up in front of the class and gave her a reward for being a great friend to someone who needed a friend.
I tell this story not to tell how awesome I am as a mother. In fact, I feel like it is the opposite. I feel so humbled to see the faith and obedience of my children and I know that they are amazing spirits who have been sent to me but it also strengthens my testimony of the power of the teachings of the gospel in my children's lives. I know many people who claim that they don't want to raise their children in any specific religion because they want their children to have the choice when they get older so they don't feel forced into believing one certain way. I have never understood this line of reasoning because we all teach our children right from wrong and we all prepare our children to enter Kindergarten by teaching them colors and numbers and letters so why would you ever leave your child's eternal success to chance and hope that someone in their lives can teach them of their individual worth and potential? I know that the simple truth that my children our children of God and that their choices have consequences and that they can be like Jesus on this earth have blessed their lives and mine.
I also just have to add that when I met with Rylynn's teacher I told her that I don't believe that any child is naturally mean and belittling to those around them. I learned a lot about social and emotional developement in my major and we specifically did a lot of research on bullying. I told her that I believe if a child is saying certain things and doing certain things that are mean or hurtful that they have learned that from someone else. She confirmed that this girl does not have an ideal home environment and it made me really sad for her that she is being exposed to insults and unkindness in her home. Children are so sensitive to the examples around them and that is why I feel like more than any job in the world, parenting helps you to see very clearly your own weaknesses and if you are humble can help you to improve yourself in a way that is so unique to the job of parenthood. It is not an easy job however, and I have a very, very long way to go but I am so thankful to be a mother and to have this opportunity to learn from such amazing spirits in my home.
